This question, asked so often, suggests that there is actually a plausible answer. Almost as if our "being" were a fixed thing. People who ask this sort of question are typically struggling with their own identity and are searching for a core sense of themselves. The irony is that the more you seek to identify who you are, the more fragile you are likely to feel about yourself. There may be an inverse correlation between the question being asked and the ease with which you experience your life. The emphasis shouldn't be on discovering who you are, what is buried beneath, but on facilitating the emergence of what you would like to experience.

Our identity should be seen as an ongoing process. Rather than a static snapshot, we should embrace a flowing sense of self, whereby we are perpetually reframing, reorganizing, rethinking and reconsidering ourselves. How different would life be if rather than asking "Who am I?", we contemplate how we would like to engage life? A sense of inadequacy often informs the question around "Who am I?". As people engage the deepening complexity of understanding themselves, they would fare much better to devote themselves to the unfolding process of life. Witnessing our thoughts, not reacting out of old habit, and becoming present, enables us to better craft our lives. As such, the identity that we seek fires the wave of life, enriched by the flow.

Imagine that you have been imprisoned for twenty years, incarcerated since the age of eighteen. You literally have no adult life experience outside of the penitentiary. Your sense of self is tragically limited. You might ask yourself "Who am I?". This would likely provide a very fragile sense of self that paradoxically might leave you most apprehensive about your imminent release. You would hardly choose to remain imprisoned until you could find your identity. You would have to permit that new sense of self to flow from and out of your new life experiences.

Upon divorce, many people, especially women, are often confronted with a distressing thought. They claim that they don't know who they are. More to the point, they may not know who they are as a single, autonomous adult, not partnered. After all, how could they. Rather than remaining mired in fear, you would need to summon a sense of wonder and adventure. There is a new sense of self waiting to be born. You get to re-craft yourself along the way.

At the other end of the identity continuum are those who claim to know themselves too well. This other extreme also signifies a fragility about one's identity. To know yourself so well leaves no room for growth. Even more, it suggests a deep vulnerability that is being defended against, as if it where too dangerous to take a closer look within.

It makes perfect sense to seek a deeper sense of self. To become intimately aware of your thoughts, feelings, hopes and fears is obviously advisable. The key is to engage your sense of self as malleable, more like a willow tree than a sturdy oak. The willow is flexible and survives the storm as it bends with the wind, whereas the more rigid oak is more likely to crack.

The universe exists in a state of flowing potential. And it is essential to understand that we are indeed a part of that universe. The goal is to access that potential, keeping the parts of our identity that continue to serve us well as we shed the old, habitual pieces that constrain us. This process is known as positive disintegration. This allows us to find the balance between the extremes and enter into a relationship with "self" that commits to our personal and spiritual evolution.

This is an interesting exercise I heard on one of my favorite radio shows several years ago. One afternoon when I was crafting, I stopped in my tracks right away, grabbed a piece of paper and began to listen as the soft and comforting voice which was streaming through the airways into my studio was on topic with "Who am I?". I was in anticipation of what the exercise would reveal.

You will ask yourself two questions and write them down on a piece of paper. As you ask yourself these two questions, the very first word that comes to mind is your answer. These answers will pertain to who you are on a spiritual level, how YOU see yourself in terms of your moral characteristics, what you think of yourself in terms of who you are. Not what you may think others think of you. For instance, if you think of yourself as a competitive person, your answer might be "competitive". If you perceive yourself as being loving or caring, your answers might be "kind" or "gracious". If you perceive yourself as being stubborn, then your answer might be "closed minded" The idea of this exercise is to answer the questions with honesty no matter what the answer might end up being so that you may reveal to yourself who you really are. This is a great exercise that reminded me yet again, to remember, embrace and rediscover my true identity and my spiritual essence. This one really hit home for me so I want you to give it a try. It's so easy its actually a good idea to repeat this annually to step back and reevaluate any changes that you have made, rediscovering yourself again, and how you have flexed with the ebb and flow, much like the willow tree. Be honest and write down the very first thing that pops into your mind.

Sitting quietly with a pen and paper, ask yourself these two questions:

I am?

and

What am I?

How do you feel about the answers you just wrote down?

You want to know my answers? I don't mind sharing. 

I am? - HONESTY

What am I? -STRONG

The two answers that you just wrote down represent your spiritual name. Your first name is the "I am?" and your last name is the "What am I?". In my case, "Honesty Strong". 

Immediately I was reminded of my sense of self. The essence of who I am. And I suddenly I was reminded of the power, integrity and validity of my spiritual essence. 

I would love for you to share your spiritual name with us here if you feel compelled to share. You're among friends here -